So I make bread now…
I like responding to compliments by accusing people of making fat jokes.
Example: “Baby, you’re my world.”
When you and your partner are about to engage in coitus, move your legs like the mouth of a puppet and say “Feed me Seymour!" in your most convincing voice.
Blowing your nose on the sheets of the person who made you cry is a very satisfying form of revenge.
Keeping a vegetable slicer on the top shelf is a bad idea. It may fall.
Just to take out the trash.
I don’t want to get a Kindle. If I don’t have stacks of books in my room, how else will people know how cultured and interesting I am?
"We’re all smart, but we make bad choices."
I woke up with this stuck in my head in the form of a song and felt the need to write it down somewhere.
Is it from something? Either way, I call dibs on the song idea.
“He realized that he was retracing the way he had come, and deliberately made himself turn right instead of left.
That way madness lay.”
— Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency by Douglas Adams